Revival of this story coming in 2020!

When I conceived the idea for this story, I was really excited.  Life got between me and the ending I had envisioned, so I wound it down in a rather hurried ending.  Now, I have reread it and become inspired so I am going to work on the story I know is buried deep in my head and more importantly in my heart.

I will of course, continue with my Words of Wisdom.  Those pages are written early in the mornings because I wake up thinking about things that mostly happened in my day to day life and mostly back when I was growing up in a dog eat dog world.

I hope you will follow "The World Is Not My Home" as a purely fictional effort on my part.  You can also sign up to get in sent to your email.  Just go to the left column under the followers.

I look forward to entertaining you in a purely fictional rendering

#19 A new day

I began to rouse myself.  I had no idea how long I had been asleep, if sleep was actually what it was, but Rompano standing beside me.  I raised myself to his level and was disturbed to see that he looked very sad.  I thought of touching him and I could feel his warmth.



“Oh, Rompano, why do you look so sad?”  I could not imagine what could make him sad in this world we were in that had no beginning, no end and not even a now.



“ I have learned something.  I do not know how I learned it.  It just came into my head.  I think that is how we learn here. At least I think that is how, otherwise I would not know this.”



He did not move, but I felt his arms holding me.  And then he began to speak.  “ I am going to be sent back. I am going to be born again into a family in Central Kansas.  Imagine that!  I know nothing of who they are, or why I am going there.  I just know I will be leaving you and that makes me sad.  I have learned more.  I have learned that some people have been together since the beginning  of time.  They keep getting thrown together or finding their way to each other.  Do you think that could be true of you and I?”



I thought a moment and then smiled.  “I think that is possible.  The first time I saw you  I knew you.  You found me here in this place and that is something.  I love you like I have loved you forever.”



“And I you.”  He laughed.  “I do not even know your name.  We don’t really need names here, but I want to give you one.  I want to call you Infiniti.  I do not know if I will remember this when I leave here, but I will know you when I see you.  I will look in your eyes and I will see Infiniti.  We were meant to be together forever.”



Somehow I knew this was true.  I remembered how I had walked into places I had never been and knew where every thing was located.  I knew the people on the street that I had never met.  I remembered hiking a trail near Beulah and I knew I would find the Mountain Sage near the top.  Some people called it dejavu.  I remembered the first time I had met my husband.  I knew him.  I knew we were destined.  I turned to face Rompano, but he was gone.



A strange peace came over me.  I knew I had work to do if I wanted to reach the shining shores and rest in the arms of my sweet Jesus, but I was ready.  As I settled to the softness of my mossy little room with my furry friends beside me I thanked my God for having sent me Rompano.  I knew not what lay ahead, but I did know that somewhere I would find him, or he would find me and together we would work to change the world.

#18 A new day

I awoke to brilliant light filling my mossy little room.  I was surprised to see that Rampano was still there.  I gazed at the place where he lay and felt full of love like I used to feel back in the real world.  I did not know this man, if he was indeed a man, but some how I felt a link and a connection to him that came from deep within.  Now even “deep within” I did not understand since there was nothing to have a within with, but I felt a tie to this little Rompano.



As I watched him sleeping I felt myself in another place.  I did not recognize my surrounding.  The ceiling were high and the trimmings around the ceilings were elegantly carved and painted a brilliant gold.   On closer examination I decided they could actually be gold.  The floors were marble.  It was neither cold nor hot, but rather just a temperature that was completely moderate.  I saw people at the end of the long hallway.  It seemed to be all men and they were in some sort of uniform.



At that point I became aware that they were English and the the year was 1431.  It was the end of the 100 year war with France.  I was French and had no idea wht I was doing in an English prison.  My roots traced back to French Switzerland. I deduced that it was an English prison, but I was French to the bone!  What was going on?



I watched as the contingent of men in their army uniforms came toward my door.  I was locked in a small rock cell with only a pallet on the floor.  I wore a uniform consisting of a pair of pants that were tied tightly at my waist, a coarse jacket  and no more.  The men stopped at the door of my cell and one of them unrolled a parchment and began to read:



“Maid of Orleans, you have been found guilty of heresy.  You claim to talk with God!  By your own words you admitted that this is true.  You refuse to dress as a woman, but wear the garb of a man.  A jury of your peers has deemed that you shall be immediately taken from this place and burned at the stake until you are dead!  So be  it.”



With that he turned and stepped aside.  4 men entered my cell and grabbed me by my arms and jerked me outside the cell and propelled me forward.  In no time at all I stood before a pyre.  It was then I realized I was Joan of Arc, the maid of Orleans.  I had fought for France since the age of 17.  I had lead troops in battle and changed the course of history!  I was descended from the Calame and Gagnebien line.  I had no time to speak as I was propelled forward and tied to the stake.  Quickly a fire was lit and I was consumed.



I felt no pain.  I could see my murderers , but I felt no pain.  I was floating, floating, and then drifting down.  I came to rest beside Rompano.  He opened his eyes and smiled.  I smiled back.  I was safe once more for a while.



The crackling fire was no more.  I wanted to tell him where I had been, but as quickly as it had happened it was forgotten, so I just smiled and faded into my mossy little room with Rompano at my side.

#17 Rampano

I was very happy to see Rampano the next day when I opened my eyes.  I was beginning to actually like the man, or whatever he was that passed for a man.  I had utmost faith in what he would tell me, but I was very confused at this point.

“Rampano!  You told me that I worked in the ovens in Auchwitz!  I could not have done that.  I came here in 1895 as my Great Grandfather and he died in 1916 and I was born in 1941 and I can not be 2 people at once!  How do you explain that?”

“Oh, just cool your jets missy!  I made a little mistake.  You are not the only one I am tutoring here  and I just got you mixed up with a little gal from Berlin.  You do have a lot of German blood in your veins.”  He shook his head and then continued.  “Do you wonder why I am still here and not off at the judgement seat?”  He leveled a look at me that let me know that he was expecting an answer.

I had to think about that.  He was here to help me so surely he was further advanced in his journey than I was.  I had thought he was different than I was.  I was a novice at this, or so I thought and I thought he knew things I did not, but maybe that was not the case.  Maybe he was searching for answers just as I was.  I suddenly seen Rampano in a new light.  He was a comrade seeking answers just as I was.  I laughed.

“Oh, Rampano!  You are just like me, aren’t you?  You are not perfect and neither am I!  How many times have you been sent back? “  I crossed my arms and waited for an answer. 

For the first time since I had met him, he looked sad.  My heart stirred for the first time since I had died.  I reached out and put my arms around Rampano.  I felt a tear fall on the top of my head and I felt a tenderness for this strange little man that I was pretty sure I could not feel being dead, but there it was.  Empathy welled in my heart and I patted his shoulder.

“Maybe we can figure this out together.”  As we stood in the middle of wherever we were, I felt my mossy little room envelope me, but Rampano was still in my arms as I drifted into nothingness.  

#16 Ellis Island

I had very little time to spend in my mossy little room, but when I was there I was very content.  I was surrounded by my animals.  This having pets and not having to be responsible for grooming and feeding them was a relief.  At some point in time I would travel back in time and learn a lesson from my past.  I was still reveling in what had been a wonderful life in the black Forest of Germany when I felt the room began to change and I felt myself propelled back and then forward.  I was beginning to get the hang of just stopping and letting it happen.  There was no way I could control anything so I had to just go with the flow and learn whatever lesson was on for that day.  It was strange that the lessons were not always in chronological order.  Actually, they were rarely in order.  They just happened.  I relaxed and let my mind follow wherever I was going.

I gazed at the high ceiling and then around at the teeming crowds.  They were all going in one direction.  We came to a barricade and had to stop.  A loud voice boomed over a megaphone of some sort that was meant to amplify sound.

"Settle down!  I will get to you all in due time.  I know you had a rough crossing, but you are here now and if we all work together we will be out of here and you can start your new life."

I stared around and slowly realization came to me.  I was in the building on Ellis Island!  I had just gotten off the boat from Germany.  I held the hand of my son Christoph Adam Haas.  I realized then that I was my great grandfather.  Christoph would marry Josie Miller and they would be the parents to my mother.  It was then that I realized how this worked.  Or at least I thought I did.  Apparently I was a Haas before I was born and had the memories of my ancestors.  But how could that be?  Rompano had told me I worked in the ovens when the Jews were killed.  Was I a product of other ancestors also?  That could not be.  But it could be that I was a product of several different lines, but they all began to coverge.  Suddenly a voice boomed and a hush fell over the hall of Ellis Island.

"Johann Jakob Haas!"  I grasped the hand of my son Christof Adam Haas and began to move forward into my new life.  We were propelled forward by the teeming masses.  We stopped several times to have our papers marked by some big man who seemed to be in charge of that area and then we were shuffled onward to another grisly looking man who mumbled something and then pushed us onward.  Periodically one or another of the families were shunted off and out of sight.  I did not know what that reasoning was about, but I was glad that we kept moving forward towards the high, heavy door at the far end of the room.

Finally we reached the doors and there was no one ahead of us.  A kindly old man took my paper.

 He looked at the children with me and said very solemnly, "Welcome to Amerika Mr. Johann Jakob Haas!  We wish you all the best in your future endeavors."

I stepped forward as  the heavy oak doors swung open and we stepped out and into our new country!  I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek.  We were no longer Germans, but we were now Americans.   I raised my eyes to heaven and thanked my heavenly father for allowing me to see this beautiful world.

God was indeed good.

#15 The paleolithic era

I watched as a huge, hairy creature emerged from the cave.  I had read about cavemen and the beginning of time, but now I was witnessing it for myself.  The creature walked mostly slumped over with his knuckles nearly dragging the ground.  The bulk of his body was covered with an animal skin of some sort.  Nothing I had ever seen.  It looked rather like the hide of a Brontosaurus.  Now in all fairness, I have no idea what a Brontosaurus looked like, but that is what came to my mind as I looked at the creature.  Behind him was another creature.  This one was smaller in stature, but wore the same sort of animal skin.  This one carried some sort of small bundle that was made of the same skin.  It slowly dawned on me, that what I was seeing was a primitive man with his primitive woman and the bundle was a baby.

I watched in horror as what could only be a saber tooth tiger burst forth from the trees and leapt on the woman.  The man made an attempt to club the animal, but it was to no avail.  In the melee the baby was dropped and as the tiger tore into the woman the man grabbed the baby and ran back into the safety of the cave.

I stood in mute terror at the sight before.  Suddenly I felt or sensed that I was not alone.  I turned my head to find Rompano  there with me.

“Oh, my God!  What is this?  Where are we?  Who are these people?”  I had gone to sleep and now I was totally confused.  Was this a dream?

Rompano smiled.  “Well, dear girl, this is your past.  You will see more of these pictures from past lives and each one will teach you a lesson. I will tell you that one of these people was you.  Can you guess which one?”

I stared at him in disbelief.  This was ludicrous.  He tapped his fingers together to show he was waiting.  OK, I would play his silly little game.

“Of course, I am the woman who just got eaten!”  Rompano laughed.

“No, you are the baby.  Your father will raise you alone.  He will teach you to stand straight and tall.  You will wear a headband and fashion a bow and arrow.  You will tame a horse to ride and you will lead your clan in battle.  You will be a fierce warrior and you will be very respected.  You will fashion a needle out of bone and use sinew for your thread.  You will clothe your people.  You will discover how to make fire with a piece of flint and dry seed pods.  You will move your people from cave man to Neanderthal.”

“So, am I a woman then?”

“No, you are neither man nor woman.  You are what is known as a shaman.”

“And what life lesson am I learning?”

“You are learning to lead.  You become a judge, so you are learning to be fair.  You are learning patience.”

I looked at Rompano and as I gazed at him, he faded away and I was once more in my room, without having to even think about it.  I had the feeling that my life was about to get very interesting.      

#14 A look back. rerun

I awoke to find my mossy little room aglow.  I quickly found the source of the ethereal light.  Rompano sat a few feet from me and the light was coming from him!  I can not describe the color of the light, only that it was the brightest light I had encountered in my room, which now that I thought about it, was always bright.  As soon as he saw I was awake, the light dimmed.

"Well, so finally you are awake.  I turned the light bright to wake you up.  I didn't want to just shake you awake.  That is so rude.  Guess where we are going today?"

I stared at him with my mind completely blank.  I began to have a vision and knew that we were communicating in the way the hereafter let us communicate.  I saw a lovely garden.  It was beautiful beyond any earthly thing I could imagine.  Every kind of tree and shrub.  Beautiful flowers.  The soil was fertile and everywhere I looked was a different vista.  I looked beyond and as far as I could see, the garden extended.  And then I noticed there were people in the garden.  Across the garden I saw a man who was completely naked picking produce in a beautiful vegetable garden.  Carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, and a vegetable I did not recognize.  I looked to Rompano for an answer.

"Okra" he said simply."  That was one vegetable I had never really cared for so of course I would not recognize it.  "The man is Adam.  He is picking vegetables for their meal.  Eve is over there picking fruit.  They do not eat meat here."

I looked where he pointed and saw a lovely woman.  She was also naked.  Realization hit me!  This was the Garden of Eden.  This was where it all began!  As I watched the woman I knew it was Eve and to my astonishment I realized she was talking to a snake.  Oh, my God!  I was witnessing The Temptation!  For the first time since my death I had a feeling of helplessness.  I wanted to run forward and grab the snake and throw it out of the Garden, but I could not move.

"Rompano!  Why can't I move!  I could throw Satan out of the garden and the world would be perfect again!"  He only watched quietly and said not a word.

To my horror I saw Eve reach for the apple.  I watched helplessly as she took a bite.  I saw her face light up and then watched as she plucked another.  She left the tree and went to where Adam waited by the vegetable patch.  My feet were frozen to the ground as if I were one of the plants.  I looked for Rompano, but I could not see him.

"Look Adam!  I picked this from the tree in the center of the Garden.  Oh, it is so good!  You have to try a bite."  Adam was aghast!

"No, Eve!  That is the tree  knowledge.  The knowledge of good and evil.  Father said we could not eat of it or we would surely die.  Oh, my God!  You tasted it didn't you?"  Eve smiled a sly smile.

"Yes!  And that is why Father said not to eat it.  He knew we would then know what he knew, and it is so good.  It is sweet and like nothing I have ever tasted.  Look at me!  I am the same.  Nothing has changed.  He just wanted to keep it all for himself.  Here!  Just take one bite and you will see.  It hurts nothing, just tastes so good you will not believe it."  She held the apple out towards him and smiled innocently.

I watched in horror as Adam took the apple and bit into it.  I watched as he looked at Eve's naked body and then at his own.  I watched as he ran to the nearest tree and plucked a branch to cover himself and then one for Eve.  As I watched they seemed to age before my eyes.  Adam's hair turned white as snow and the years began to show on their faces.  My mind could barely absorb what I had just seen.  I closed my eyes and escaped to my mossy little room where Rompano waited.

"Oh, Rompano!  That was horrible!  Why couldn't I stop her?  Why was I there?"

"You do not exist, so how could you stop them, who also do not exist?  You will see many things while you are here.  I will take you many places, but you will not be able to change history.  I want you to know all this, because while you know it on some level, you have forgotten.  What you do need to know is that you were Eve.  Every one you meet in these travels, you are.  Well, you are not all of them, but you are one of the people.  You are in for one big experience and when it is over you will be perfect."

And with that, he was gone.  I was glad because I needed to think.  I was Eve.  I was the beginning.  I had brought the knowledge of good and evil into the world.  I wanted to change the world and I had, right from the beginning.  What else had I done?  Did I want to know?  It did not seem to make any difference, because Rompano would lead me through my existence and make me face it all.

But for now, sleep was my only escape.